Friday, November 27, 2009

Hello

I may be battered & bruised, but I am limping along. I have never, ever experienced such horrendous pain in my life. It feels as if there is barbed wire strung throughout my chest holding it together, There are white-hot searing stabbing pains that I always feel. It's as if somone has a white-hot poker stabbing my chest while someone else is stabbing the scapula with a bayonet. The chest tube hurts. My abdomen is totally painful & bruised from the Heparin shots. My forearms from my wrists to below the elbows are pure black & blue from arterial lines. When I do my spirometry & have to cough, the pain is white hot & intense. I always carry a little pillow to protect my side from more pain when coughing, etc. My chest tube is not attached to a pleura-vac like in the hospital. It is hooked to a Heimlich one way valve which Alan had to rig up a collection receptacle. Let's just say it's not a pretty sight. Because of my difficult intubation and distorted airway (must have been the radiation), I had a lot of swelling and I woke up 2 days later with an endotube and nasogastric tube in my mouth. They wanted me awake prior to extubation. Anyone out there ever try that before? That was NOT fun. So, I got extubated Friday afternoon and my surgery was Wednesday morning. That was confusing to me when Kara told me it was Friday. ICU is a distant memory of 6 days of excellent care. If it weren't for my wonderful family, I would never be here. They refused to let me quit, sat there and watched me on that ventilator for days and never left my side. Alan broke the laws of the ICU and spent the night in my room. I am still trying to get pain control-the narcotics are intolerable to me. I've been vomiting every other day. Eating is a chore, walking is tough, everything is exhausting. I know that eventually this will all pass and this will all be worth it. I thank everyone for your support and prayers, sorry I have been unavailable to everyone, but talking on the phone & visiting are not options right now. Dr. Canby, thank you for the gorgeous arrangement-we loved it! I have to gather more strength and watch those looks of worry leave the faces of my beautiful family. Just to be around & have them be here helping me & caring for me makes it all worth it. Time to go rest, readjust my pillows, take some pain pills, & crank up the heating pad. Love, Linda

6 comments:

  1. You'll eventually feel better, and you know that. We are so amazed at how well you've done with all you've been through. NOBODY else could do what you did and be where you are at right now. We love you!

    Shawn, Jen & Cooper

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  2. I am soooo glad that you were able to talk to us today.. The worst is now behind you and you WILL IMPROVE everyday. You are an inspiration to all of us that love and care about you..Your family are angels. Bless You All...... Love, Karen

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  3. I am sooo sorry that you have to go through all of this. thank God for your wonderful, caring family.It's in times like this that you can feel very proud of them and know that all the love that you gave them through the years has taught them what is important in life, and that family is #1. Hoping that every day gets a little bit easier for you. I know that you are looking forward to DEC 9TH when that nasty old chest tube comes out. think how GOOD it will feel!!!!!! then you can at least relax a little bit and enjoy the holidays. I can only wish you strength and courage, and you already have proven to us all that you have them both. Love as always :) sissymama

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  4. Keep hanging in there! One day this will all be a distant memory! And please don't ever feel badly ... you have taken care of your family our whole lives ... now it is our turn to be there for you. We all love you so much!

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  5. Oh, Linda, I am so very sorry to hear you are in so much pain and finding little comfort in the meds. I wish there was something I could do or say to make all the pain go away. I will continue to diligently pray for your immediate recovery. Tell Kara to please contact me immediately if there is anything I can do to help, including babysitting the girls. Your faith in God and in your family will get you through this!

    With much love,
    Tina

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  6. so glad to hear that you were strong enough to get your chemo this week!!!! only 2more treatments to go!!! thank goodness!! can't wait till this is all over for you. would love to come and see you and take you away from all of this, if only for an hour or 2, but i know we can't do that now. maybe we'll have a party when this is all over. keep up the good work, stay strong, and know that i am always thinking about you, and keeping track of your progress. miss you!!!!! love, sissymama:)

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